Ahh, Thanksgiving! The day we set aside to give thanks for the abundance in our lives, for all those beautiful moments, and for all the people we cherish. A time to bring everyone together and count our blessings.
So why is it that this is often a time when we feel overextended, under-resourced, and off balance? Like Sisyphus, the king in Greek Mythology who was sentenced by the Gods to push a boulder uphill, over and over again for eternity. Balancing the many demands in our lives can truly feel more like drudgery than joy. Our natural tendency is to turn our attention to the difficulties we face, the things we need to fix, and where we aren’t measuring up. Staying positive in the midst of our ever-growing to-do list seems nearly impossible.
Why is it so Hard?
Just like our body is built from the foods we eat, and the exercise we engage in, our minds are built from the repeated experiences and ever-present circulating thoughts we have. This flow of experiences, opinions, and judgments gradually sculpts our brain, what scientists call neuroplasticity. Richie Davison, a neuroscientist at the Center for Healthy Minds, at the University of Wisconsin, Madison says that we are always, wittingly or unwittingly shaping our minds.
Our minds are wired with a negativity bias, to notice the threats and discount the beauty. Rick Hanson says that “Our brains are like Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive.”
We shouldn’t blame ourselves for this pessimistic turn of mind. It was actually a good thing when we were living in caves and every threat might mean our demise, but we live in a very different world today.
The solution is not to deny negative experiences. When they happen, they happen. Pushing them away and denying them doesn’t make them go away, it only moves them to the side to wait for another opportunity to erupt.
But don’t despair, there are ways we can shift the balance by training our minds to give as much attention to the good in our lives as we give to the “bad,” or at least more attention.
Taking in the Good to Cultivate a Positive Mind
We can start training for well-being right away by embracing the practice of “Taking In the Good.” We do this by paying full attention to the pleasant experiences we have and letting them settle into our bodies. When we do this we are cultivating positive mindstates so that they can grow and become a permanent part of who we are, a trait rather than a state.
According to Dr. Hanson, it only takes 15 -30 seconds of focused attention and savoring for these pleasant events to start changing our brains. When we begin to notice those beautiful moments – the compliment someone gives us, the beauty of the first snowfall, the fresh air outside our window, or the smell of freshly baked cookies – we start a cycle of positivity. The longer we allow these events to sink in, the more they impact our moods and change our brains.
So, why not make savoring and appreciation a part of your everyday life? Don’t wait for a special day, bring them into all of those in-between moments throughout the day and see if it doesn’t enrich your life. Take the time to remember all of the people that love you, the warmth of your home, and the abundance that surrounds you.
Gratitude Practice
In our classes, we do a gratitude practice that is sure to make even the most stalwart scrooge smile. Each person writes down ten small things that they are grateful for. That’s right, the little things that make your life easier. Some of the things that always come up for me are warm socks, the gentle snoring of my dog, hand lotion, my first cup of coffee in the morning, and when my husband fixes something before I realize it’s broken.
So, this Thanksgiving, before you get lost in all the preparations, sit down and write yourself a list. Appreciate the light switch on the wall, the ever-ready roll of toilet paper, the hot water that comes out of the faucet, and your toothbrush. Just see if the rest of your day isn’t just a little bit brighter.
One of the things I am thankful for is my mindfulness practice because it has trained me to appreciate all of the facets of my life, even the difficult ones. The tapestry of our lives is complex and there are gifts in the challenges we overcome as well as the moments of delight.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday!