Self-Compassion

Read an updated version of this blog post here. Life is just hard sometimes. We get sad, angry, frustrated, lonely, and afraid. If you’re like me, you will do everything and anything you can to avoid the pain. Have a glass of wine, get lost in Facebook, go shopping, or eat ten doughnuts. If only all those tactics worked—but they don’t. The feelings don’t go away; they just get buried for a while, take their vitamins, and get ready to erupt in a Mount Vesuvius kind of way. Usually, it happens at the worst time. Another way to meet those

“Sweetheart. You are struggling. Relax. Take a breath, and then we will figure out what to do.” I love these words from long-time meditation teacher, Sylvia Boorstein, for two reasons: 1) They challenge me; and 2) they contain the three essential elements of self-compassion. Let’s start with the first reason. I am challenged to the core by the word sweetheart! Who in the world refers to themself as “sweetheart” when they are struggling? Not me! In fact, the thought of it makes me cringe and causes my chest to tighten up. It seems I share this response with many others.

“If you don’t change direction, you’ll end up going in the same direction.” —Yogi Berra I love this quote by Yogi Berra, because it reminds me that I actually have to do things differently to get a different result. As the old adage goes, “If you do what you did, you get what you got.” That’s the story of my relationship with “Sheila,” my inner critic. Why Sheila? I don’t know, I just figured that I had to give her a name so that I could create some space between her and me. It was a way to remind myself