Relationships

How Perfectionism Harms Us (and Those We Love)

Imagine coming home after a long day at work to a house cluttered with dishes, a stack of mail on the table, stray socks on the floor, and an overflowing trash can. You’re so exhausted, and with another intense day at the office awaiting you tomorrow, you’d love nothing more than to crawl under the blankets and go to sleep. Do you eat a snack, brush your teeth, and hit the sack? Or does your breath quicken as your eyes scan the room and you begin a mental list of everything you need to do before going to bed? If …

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How to Help a Loved One Who’s Struggling

Hello, my name is Jeni, and I am a recovering fixer.  I first started noticing my penchant for telling other people what to do when I was repeatedly called bossy in elementary school. Later, it became a joke when I’d tell everyone that I had declared business management as my major because, “No matter what happens to the economy, you’re always going to need someone to tell someone else what to do.”  So when the people around me were struggling with anything from poor sleep to grief, you could leave it to me to tell them why they’re feeling what …

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The Wisdom of a Broken Heart

A poem by Jeni Juarez What saddens me the most about the current state of the world is how people everywhere are becoming so paralyzed by fear; that they are struggling so much to access their emotional resilience—their unarmed heart. It is this turning away from—this armored heart—that keeps us separated, alienated from one another; unable to feel the warmth, the magnificence of a heart-to-heart connection. What encourages me the most about the current state of the world is how people everywhere are becoming so paralyzed by fear. Because my deeper wisdom tells me that suffering is Grace. It forces …

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Spiritual Bypassing in the Time of COVID-19

by Susan Duesbery, as originally posted in Elephant Journal The other day I was speaking with a woman who told me that she was “excited” about the positive changes the coronavirus was already ushering in. She went on to express the hope that a new world order based on love would replace current systems based on corruption and greed. After she spoke these words, I realized that I’d seen a lot of similar comments on social media lately. In many ways, I couldn’t agree more with such remarks. But there are two sides to this coin, and to ignore one …

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Steps to Strong and Meaningful Relationships

“Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” —David Augsberg We all want friends we can count on and partners that know us well and love us anyway. We want to be with someone who will listen to us with respect and be there for us when we fail. And we want our friends and lovers to be able to count on us and know that we are there for them when they need us.     The challenge is that these kinds of relationships take time and intention. To be fully …

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Why The !%*? Did I Say That?

“The willingness to show up changes us;  it makes us a little braver each time.” —Brené Brown Why the !%*? did I say that? I don’t know how many times I’ve agonized over that question or a similar one, like “I really screwed that up; what made me yell at him like that?” Or, “I know I’m right about this—why can’t she see it?” Or,  “I wonder if he  thinks I’m an idiot for saying that?” I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time sitting with either my embarrassment or my self-righteousness. Through the lens of  mindfulness, I began to see …

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